As we shared his last lancha ride across the beautiful lake he has called home for over 20 years, he chose to lecture me and verbally vomit all over me with his complaints, negativity and hatred.
He started out by thanking me. Using my car, my husband had done him a big favor a few days ago. Then he shut up for the first half of the boat ride. But for the last bit, he stood in front of me, speaking wildly.
He began, as usual, giving me unsolicited relationship advice. He went on to insult me and all “gringos” for our role in ruining the earth. I was a captive audience, on a boat in the middle of the lake. I got to hear what he really thinks of me, the things he would only say behind my back before.
I said almost nothing. I just nodded and listened. I could have said a lot of things, namely, “You’re spitting on me,” or “I don’t love you either.” But I chose to say basically nothing as the tirade continued for at least ten minutes.
His life has blown up of late, from what I understand, into a series of escalating dramas. He is outta here, hightailing it for Mexico, done with this place. He insists that Guatemala is not a safe place to be, geographically, politically or economically.
Right now, I say, “Good riddance.” But I know that’s kind of bitchy. I will work with forgiveness practice. I will practice forgiving him for the emotional/verbal abuse. I will practice wishing to be forgiven by him for any harm I caused. And I will practice forgiving (but not forgetting), always.
I did my best to block his raging and negative energy but of course some did make it through. I felt angry and irritated at first that he had dumped all his shit on me. I couldn’t remember a time when anyone had spoken to me so harshly and rudely. I’m still a bit upset by the whole thing, as shown by my decision to write about it here, now.
I have been able to let go of a lot of the heavy, bad feelings that lingered after this encounter, and here’s how.
I connected with the earth. I feel my feet on the ground. I feel a sense of belonging, right where I am.
I took a shower. I connected with water. I cleansed both my physical body and my emotional body.
I expressed my power through nonviolence, through peace. I chose to walk away, not to insult this man or respond to his accusations.
I opened my heart by sending him metta, wishing that he may be safe, happy, healthy and free.
I spoke my mind by talking to my husband about what had happened, processing my feelings immediately after the fact.
I connected with my intuition and realized that he is wounded, suffering, and hurt, which is the reason why he is lashing out and wounding and hurting everyone else.
I connected with my crown and remembered that I, too, am capable of this type of behavior. It is human nature. I remembered that despite our apparent differences, he and I are actually the same.